I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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