Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
