I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
