My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
