i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think my vagina is haunted
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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