Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have aggressive nipples.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
