i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
