I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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