Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize