Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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