I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
