She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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