i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
