So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
