Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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