They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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