They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
