New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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