from now on my penis is your penis
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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