It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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