Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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