She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
