He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
