so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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