yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
