**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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