thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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