I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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