She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
