I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
