I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
