Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
