I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
