She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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