"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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