Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
