when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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