You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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