Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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