btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
