Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
