you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
