So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
