Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
