Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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