why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
