just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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