1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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