just survived the first fart of the relationship.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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