My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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