i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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