On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
