becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
