everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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