Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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