I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
