Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
