She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
