I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
