i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
