I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dear god my vagina.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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