It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think i have two assholes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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