I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
