having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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