I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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