Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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