how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
