So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
