$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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