Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
