I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
