the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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