Soap is not a condiment
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
