My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
