piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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