I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
