I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize