i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
