Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
