you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
