well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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