let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
