Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
