Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
